By Big Frank
Over the years, my wife and I have traveled a lot. I mean A LOT. I-95 should be named after me: Big Frank's Asshole Highway. LOL.
Because when I drive on it, I become a real Asshole behind the wheel. I get aggravated in a New York minute. Where do all of these A-holes actually get their licenses? Wait, I know: The blue crayon people pass them on their driving test. If you can spell your name correctly, or close, you pass. Go figure.
Anyway, back to my adventures. Starting in hell. You may know it as New York City. There city that never sleeps. Well, no shit. How in the world can you sleep with all of the inbreed muggers and ho's running around all night? New York take some advice from an old wise man: Buy a cowboy hat like the Texans wear to keep the pigeon from pooping on your heads! Now I know where KFC get their tiny wings from.
Down the road about, 90 miles, is the City of Brotherly Love. Brotherly love my big ass. Go down to 9th and Washington at night and you'll see how much love is out there!
About 120 miles from Philly is Washington DC, where you will find the Bill Clinton Memorial. You may know it as the "Washington". Ol Georgie Boy needed a new memorial shaped to look like a cherry tree.
Heading south after DC on I-95 there is nothing to really talk about. I call it purgatory. You call it Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, and Georgia. Over 500 miles of blah.
Now we are in Florida. You can tell because the bugs are bigger than the NYC pigeons. When you stop for fuel you need a scraper and chisel to get them off your windshield. But getting closer to Heaven, the next stop is Daytona Beach to get a little seafood. I love clams and oysters raw and Daytona is the best place get it. Plus you are about an hour and a half until heaven.
Disney World! Yes, Disney. More so, Fort Wilderness. My home away from home. The best place on the planet in my opinion. As you might know, I am a huge cheap skate. I call it thrifty. LOL. But, they have rental cabins that will sleep eight. Just in case you get lucky...There are two heated pools, playground and arcade for the kids, beach with all kinds of boats for rent, and so much more. I'd tell you all about but then I would expect free stuff from Disney for the endorsement.
I tell you that this place is cleaner than most peoples houses. The only downside is that you have to take that hellish trip down I-95 and the morons that drive it. You know these people. They do 45 in the hammer lane when the speed limit is 70. It would force both the Pope and the Dali Lama into extreme road rage.
Back to OOTP. Did I mention I have won six Manager of the Year awards? In a row!!!